Sunshine Desires

   I am a Vampire in love with The Sun.

   When exactly it happened I don’t remember, it was as if I simply woke one morning completely entranced by her beauty. Distance is said to make the heart grow fonder yet I fear I grow so devoted that basic functions become secondary thoughts. Breathing, eating, drinking. All seem futile when the comparison is being greeted by her sunrays. I remain a child of the night wanting the feel of day but owning only imagination means I find peace in the quiet.

   More often than not I find myself fantasising of being with her. Ignoring all obstacles in our way and giving in to temptation. Allowing instinct to guide onwards; pulled by scent like a feral animal until I am on all fours running through the woods, scurrying amongst the broken twigs allowing thorns to pierce my skin because no pain is worse than the separation. Until I finally see her there, my Eurydice. Closing the space and consuming it whole, sinking my teeth deep into the crook of her neck unable to resist the taste of her golden ichor as it gushes from the wound into my mouth as I guzzle. Sundrops blessing the ground we stand, sprouting carnations and buttercups. I yearn to hear the sounds of her splintering bones breaking and crunching against my teeth while I suck the marrow from beneath before swallowing whole, blood scaring my chin and staining my clothes as I inhale Everything. Being starved all your life then finally getting a taste must feel so good. I wouldn't give in until the woods were empty once more, absorbing every fibre of goodness for myself, electrifying my veins, gurgling creation. How envious the queen of hearts would be of me as I stand holding the core of all that is good and pure in my cold, blistered, dripping hands.

   A massacre of the eclipse

   Or perhaps it would be better suited if she enveloped me entirely with light. Her skin warm to the touch. I would sit impatiently for the simple caresse of her finger tips, the easing heat her breath generates, begging for the moment she finally grips hold of my wrist. Pleading for the pain. Watching as the contact makes my skin sting and crisp. Transforming into paper ablaze in the wild, words melting from the page into the flames and suffocating the air. Lining the walls of my lungs with ash, filling my nose with smoke, dancing with my taste buds in a tango of soot and embers until I’m gasping for more. Tears fill my eyes as I remember the story of Icarus. His tale sounds like the perfect romance. Blessed to reach as close to my love as he did. Earning the luck of being burned by her. It's something I can only dream of. The waking however is crushing.

   Because this love is all consuming. It takes every ounce of my restraint not to run to her, not to be sanctified by her rays but I know this love is not viable.

   For my boyfriend is my Protector.

   My dear is a virile man. He holds a strong grip and kind heart wanting for nothing more than a safe world. He risks his life for my own. The nights may be cold but I know he does not leave willingly. He tells me every relationship makes sacrifices and when his sacrifice is leaving me to rid the city of demons it is clear his work is more altruistic.

   He risks his life for my own, placing down his family morals to keep me safe. My man is a virile man and makes me happier than I could express. He holds my hand and guides me on our journey that is life, even though I am a monster he keeps me locked from harm's way.  When we met he saved me at a time when I was at my worst. He picked me up and dusted my heart until I was able to feel again. At times I anger him in ways I do not mean and yet he stays with me. Filling my lonely days with hope. The weapons he keeps are for any others who come to do us harm but he keeps a promise for my life that on me he will not use. Every act he does is done for me. The nights might be spent alone but it gives me time to think and forever I will be grateful for the provisions that he brings.

   Part of him I’m sure knows the way I feel for light. As much as I desire her, my infatuation for him grows stronger with every sacrifice. For this Hunter turned Protector has saved me more times that I remember. If I was to leave I’m sure it would break him but more than that I love him. Truly I do. His kindness and powerful heart is something that I need, a want that pulls me hard and fast and enough to strip me bare. With him I know I can wear my heart with pride in a way no one else will recognise.

   So yes he may be a Hunter but for me he spared my life. He saw my darkness and lit me matches. Who would I be to want The Sun after that? He shields me from myself so that I may last a lifetime and more. For that I will always be grateful. Betraying his kindness is something I will never do even if it means I suffer the misfortune of never meeting daylight.

   Instead I breathe on the shadows she gifts. I eat the flickering flame. I drink the iron. I watch from the blackness fondly at all that she touches and grief for all that is missed. Medusa in her cave I wait until the end; diminishing in size and sanity dwindling.

   There will be a day I break. One day that the cracks are too many and the pressure too strong and I will at last belong to her. But for now I lie cold and alone but guarded.

   A Vampire in love with The Sun.

   And a Hunter with holy water.